took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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