Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
