i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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