I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
