you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
