im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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