Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
