Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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