His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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