I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
