HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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