I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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