we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
