I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
