i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
