try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
