If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
