He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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