this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
