Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
