I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
