Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
