Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
