be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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