I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everything about him screamed your future.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
