Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
