i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
