i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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