I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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