can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
