My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
