ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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