you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
