Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
