Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
