conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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