I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
