It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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