Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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