I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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