I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
