Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
