I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
