I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
