the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
