he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
