you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
