Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
