i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
