He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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