dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
