Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
