You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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