I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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