How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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