when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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