There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
