Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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