you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
