only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
