do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
