YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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