I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
