I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize