why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
