I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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