I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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