The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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