The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
