I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
