2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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