I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
