just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
