just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
