Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
