This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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