I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
