I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
